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  • Kim Q. Ivey

Coming clean to get clean



I use alcohol to self soothe, to forget, to be comforted, to feel peace.


I have a problem with alcohol.


I'm not gonna label myself. Labels are crippling. But I have a problem.


I've basically drank every night for the past 5 years - since 2014. Wine at first and then hard alcohol - vodka, whiskey, or rum in sweet cocktails that I made at home.


The cocktail period coincided with me getting back in shape. I was able to get back in shape despite pretty much getting drunk off two big vodka gimlets every night.


When we sold the house and moved into the apartment, I said this would be a dry house. That lasted three months. Wine returned. I've pretty much had a glass of wine (more like 2.5 glasses) every night since the end of April.


I'm slowly looking more and more my age. I have ugly belly fat. And 40 extra pounds since springtime of 2018.


If I want my ideal to happen - and it might have happened already if I hadn't become so beholden to alcohol - than I must kick this problem and soon.


I can't be married - can't start a new job - can't really progress in any area of my life if I'm still drinking like I'm drinking.


Why is it so hard to stop?


I use alcohol to self soothe, to forget, to be comforted, to feel peace.


Jesus hasn't been able to do any of those things for me.


However, I suppose in the 6 years since leaving IBM and my father's injury, I really haven't let him. I turned to alcohol instead.


It's time to turn back to the true SOURCE OF MY STRENGTH. Only He can help me to overcome.


A few nights ago, I reflected on Esther's time of preparation before she was brought before the King.


She was cleansed with myrrh for 6 months and then prepared with cosmetics and perfumes for another 6 months.


In other words, she was purged from inside (myrrh is a purging, cleansing herb) and out (make-up and perfumes) for a year.


Well, I don't have a year. However, that is what I need. Cleansing/purging/beautifying - an unveiling of the BEST Kim in the 52 years I've been on God's green earth.


But how?


I will start on 7/8/19.


Alcohol - bye. No more purchases for home or when I'm out to eat.


Purchasing a diffuser and myrrh essential oil. Will burn while I sleep and during the day.


Purchasing turmeric essential oils to take daily in green tea with honey.


Will fast for 16 hours each day.


Will continue walking for my mind. Not for exercise.


Will do yoga stretches daily.


Turning off HGTV at night. No computer time save for CA and job hunt.


Embracing quiet and rest.


This is the first 6 weeks.


The final 6 weeks.


See a gynecologist for my annual appointment and get a mammogram.


Start to get a basic manicure and a pedicure each of the 6 weeks.


Get my hair done every two weeks.


Clean out my closet of all items I have not worn in the past year. ALL!


Purchase new perfume, body butter and soap from fortune cookie soap. Use.


Purchase lip balm and lip stick. Use.


Purchase a high end perfume.


Buy new sheets.


Start running again in prep for the marathon in November.


Throughout: Read the word, journal, pray. Read the word, journal, pray.


Goal?


Peace without alcohol - Connection with my husband to be - my vocation aligned and money coming in - debts being paid off (including trading in vehicles for a better, more reliable, larger car/SUV).


12 weeks of coming clean to be clean. 7/7/19 (8) - 9/28/19 (4)


In the name of Jesus, it is done. Amen.




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